Fare Thee Well
by Ahmiri
Summary: "That's why I'm giving you a choice." Akito pressed something cold into Yuki's hand. "If by the end of the day your own heart stops beating she may keep her memories. Which do you value more? Some one else's untouchable memories or your own life?"


**EDIT: There was a typo in this and it's fixed now. I had it as "He was climbed back out the window." Um... no. Thank you fingers and mind for not cooperating. It's now changed to the more grammatically correct, "He had climbed back out the window." **

**This is my first story with character death. I really don't know what to say... I'm sorry, Yuki-kun... I'm really really sorry. The songs that inspired this story are Dancing by Elisa and 10,000 Miles by Mary Chapin Carpenter. I incorporated the lyrics to 10,000 Miles into the story but it's not really a songfic, I think it just makes the whole thing more meaningful. Please please listen to 10,000 Miles while you read. It will add so much to it, I promise.**

**Disclaimer: All rights go to Natsuki Takaya and Mary Chapin Carpenter. I do not own the lyrics, characters, or Fruits Basket.**

The house seemed quiet that Sunday. Shigure was buried in his office. Whether or not, he was actually working was another matter. Kyo was in his room studying for the upcoming test. At least, that was what Tohru assumed he was doing. Tohru had her textbooks spread out on the kotatsu, and however hard she tried to force her brain to understand, it just didn't seem to work.

Yuki had left that morning for his monthly check-up with Hatori. The last thing he'd said before leaving was to promise Tohru he'd help her study when he returned. She smiled at the memory as she tried to understand the problems before her. Yuki was such a wonderful person. She knew that he'd come home soon enough, sit down next to her, and explain what she didn't understand over and over again, in as many different ways as he could think of, until she understood.

Just like he'd promised.

At that moment, the phone rang and Tohru, glad for a distraction, jumped up to answer it. "Moshi-moshi. Sohma residence. Honda Tohru speaking."

"Tohru-san, this is Hatori." His voice seemed quiet and unsure. "I… I'm—Something went wrong. I don't know why but—"

Tohru was instantly worried. "Is Yuki-kun sick? He's going to be okay, though, right?"

There was a brief silence. "No. No, he's not. He never came to his appointment."

Tohru clutched the phone to her ear. "Why not? Hatori-san, what happened?" Her voice was trembling with anxiety. He wasn't okay. He'd never even made it to his appointment!

"I found him in the gardens. I'm sorry… I—I don't know why he did it." Hatori paused, and the silence was weighted. "Yuki's dead. He committed suicide."

Tohru froze. Suddenly the silence seemed deafening. He couldn't have. He wouldn't have killed himself. He'd been in such a good mood that morning. Why would he have…?

"Tohru-san?"

Dead? She dropped the phone, not bothering to hang it up and ran to her room, closing the door behind her. Not knowing what else to do, she burst into tears, crying for the loss of her dear friend. He'd wanted to live so much! Every day she'd watched him overcome the struggles he seemed to have, and he'd never given up.

Until today. Why?

"_When I come back, I'll help you study, Honda-san. I promise. You can work some on your own too, but you can wait for me to come home if you want to."_

Tohru pulled the covers off her bed and buried herself in them where she sat the floor, crying. Never again would she see him smile, walk to school with him, work in his garden side by side, or witness one of those rare moments of laughter. The world suddenly less bright and colder for the absence she now unmistakably felt.

"_Wait for me to come home…"_

OoOoO

_Fare thee well, my own true love_

_Farewell for a while, I'm going away_

_But I'll be back_

_Though I go ten thousand miles_

OoOoO

_Yuki was apprehensive as he made his way to Hatori's office. He never liked being inside the main complex; the whole place terrified him. He hated going and he hated even more to have to stay still once he was there. If he kept moving, there was less chance Akito could find him._

_The sun was unusually warm that day, and the sky was a perfect shade of blue. Yuki concentrated on these things as he followed the path to Hatori's. He wouldn't let his mind dredge up every painful memory._

_The next corner he turned made him stop where he was. His mind told him to run the other way, but the curse urged and forced him to stay right where he was._

_Sitting on a bench beside the path was the last person Yuki wanted to see. "Yuki," Akito said in that dangerous silky voice of his. "I've been waiting for you."_

OoOoO

Ayame stared in shock around the shop. Everything suddenly seemed too bright, too extravagant. What had happened? Why? It had been last week when Yuki – his brother – had stood _there_, sat _there_. He'd argued with him to be sure, but he had still come. Ayame knew he'd been given a second chance at being the brother he was supposed to be and now… now it was too late. Again.

Yuki was gone. Dead. There wasn't ever going to another chance.

He'd been so very much alive only a week's time ago. What was the last thing Yuki had said to him? He wanted to remember. He wanted to write it in the most beautiful calligraphy and hang it on every wall.

"_I've wanted to say something to you Nii-san. I think… I think you've become a person I can depend on. Not always in a good way, but you're always ready to… come running, I guess."_

He'd been ecstatic and Yuki had told him to just forget he'd said anything, leaving with that annoyed look on his face.

"Manager?" Mine's voice was quiet. She set a tray with two cups of steaming tea on the small coffee table in front of the sofa he was sitting on. "I'm sorry about your brother. He was a special person to you. I know that he was."

Mine's words hardly registered in his mind. This was the same sofa that Yuki had sat on with Tohru the first time he'd ever come to his shop. He'd been so alive then. It had been the first time Ayame had ever seen his brother try to understand him.

Ayame couldn't help but drop his face into his hands and cry in mourning for the loss of that precious life.

OoOoO

"_Sit with me, Yuki," Akito urged. "We haven't had a conversation is such a long time."_

_Yuki felt cornered, despite the fact that he was standing in open space. Haltingly, he walked forward and sat next to his god, terror reigning over his heart._

_Akito touched Yuki's cheek turning his face towards his own. "I've _missed_ you, Yuki. Why don't you come and visit?"_

_Yuki wanted to jerk away from Akito's touch, but he could only sit there and endure it. "I… I've been studying," he mumbled._

"_Ah, I see." Akito allowed his thumb to stroke Yuki's cheek. "You're trying to rise above your own stupidity. You know what I think though?"_

_Yuki shook his head numbly. He felt like he was eight years old, trapped in a world without a voice to ask for help._

_Akito leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to be normal. You'll never be able to be normal and have normal friends."_

_Yuki couldn't keep himself from trembling. "But, Akito, I—"_

_Akito silenced him with only a severe look. "I'm the only one who will ever accept you." He opened his arms. "Come here."_

_Unable to refuse him, Yuki submitted himself to the fear and embraced the other, trying not to think and only feeling his mind fall into familiar blackness as Akito wrapped his arms around him._

"_My precious Rat," Akito whispered. "I have a decision I need you to make."_

OoOoO

_10,000 miles, my own true love_

_10,000 miles or more_

_The rocks may melt_

_And the seas may burn_

_If I should not return_

OoOoO

It was one day after the phone call. One day before the funeral. Tohru could hardly contain the sorrow she felt weighing down her heart. The question of "why" went unanswered. No one knew. No one could fathom why Yuki would choose to take his life. He'd seemed happy and full of life and yet… he'd chosen something to end it.

Tohru was standing in front of his bedroom door, trying to bring herself to go in. He wasn't coming back, so she should at least clean it.

"_Wait for me to come home…"_

She shook her head trying to hold back her tears. He wasn't coming home. He would never come home again.

Slowly she opened his door and stepped inside. Shigure had told her she didn't have to clean out his room, especially not so soon. But she hadn't listened. She just wanted to be busy enough that she didn't have to think.

She missed him to the point that it consumed her sometimes. She'd started crying the first night of his absence when she'd set the table for supper and realized she'd set one place too many. The truth was that she was desperate for answers and closure. She'd lost her mother only a little under a year ago, and now another person close to her was gone. Except for memories, it was as if he'd never been there. Yuki had had such a gentle and quiet presence and she'd come to take it for granted.

To suddenly have him ripped away seemed unbearable.

Dragging a box into his room, she quietly began emptying his dresser, folding each piece of clothing and setting it in the box. When she finished with the bottom drawer she reached for the top drawer, but stopped, her tear-filled eyes resting on a picture frame propped on his dresser. She didn't remember when the picture had been taken but it was of them setting up for the culture festival. Yuki was smiling one of those rare smiles and she looked just as happy. Neither of them appeared to have even noticed whoever the photographer might have been, or to care.

She brushed her fingertips over it before picking it up to stare at a memory long gone. "Yuki-kun," she whispered. Two things fluttered to the floor as she held it and she bent over to pick them up, smiling a small bittersweet smile as she realized what they were. The first was the movie ticket stub from the double date they'd gone on for Valentines Day. Yuki hadn't even liked the movie, but had kept the stub anyway. The second was a small brown feather she'd found at the secret base one day. She'd been ecstatic and Yuki hadn't understood why she'd been so happy

"_It's because,"_ she'd told him, _"__Mom once told me that when you find a feather it means the spirit of some one you love is watching over you. She said that that the feather is their gift and reminder to us that some one cares."_

Unable to contain the sudden pain choking her heart, Tohru ran from the room while still clutching the picture to her chest. She ran until she reached Yuki's hidden garden, which, like his room, looked exactly as he had left it. Kneeling beside it, she propped the picture up so she could stare through tear-blurred eyes at what used to be.

"I-I miss you, Yuki-kun. I miss you." She ignored the tears trailing down her cheeks. "And I don't understand why you had to leave. Wh-why did you go? Why?"

Hiding her face in her knees, she wept for her lost friend.

OoOoO

"_A decision?" Yuki asked quietly, scared of what Akito might say next._

"_Yes," Akito said, releasing Yuki from the embrace and instead taking his face between his cold hands. "Tohru Honda's memories are precious to you, aren't they? You don't want her to forget. And if I ordered them to be suppressed, you would want to resist and protect them, wouldn't you?"_

_Yuki felt his voice leave him. Her memories? No! Akito couldn't have them! He couldn't take them. He couldn't._

_Akito saw his response clearly in his eyes and smiled. His careful plan was working. Yuki would be forced to learn what he valued more. He would be forced to admit to himself that the girl's memories weren't something as treasured as he thought. "I want them erased. She's become a hindrance to our family."_

_Yuki's mouth parted, his breath coming fast. Her memories were the thing most dear to him; their worth was immeasurable. He didn't care about anything more than her remembering of the friendship he cherished more than his own life. "A- Akito. Please don't… don't take them."_

_Akito lowered his voice to a deceptively sweet tone. "That's why I'm giving you a choice." Akito pressed something cold into his hand. "If by the end of the day your own heart stops beating she may keep her memories. Which do you value more? Some one else's untouchable memories or your own life? It's your decision, my precious Rat."_

_Yuki stared at him in shock and disbelief. But looking down, he saw the small knife, sharp and gleaming in the warm sunlight._

_Akito stood up, silently leaving Yuki with his decision._

"Which do you value more?"

_That answer was simple. He didn't have to think more than a few seconds to know which was more important to him. He'd stopped valuing his own life a long time ago. Her life, her memories, what made her happy was what he valued._

_But if he did what Akito had asked and took his own life then he'd hurt her. She'd cry and he wouldn't be around to comfort her. And if he didn't take his own life, Akito would take her memories and she'd cry then too. They weren't just memories - she'd lose an entire piece of her life and… and he'd rather lose the remainder of his life then allow her to lose even a small part of hers._

_She would always be more important than him._

OoOoO

_Oh don't you see that lonesome dove_

_Sitting on an ivy tree_

_She's weeping for her own true love_

_As I shall weep for mine_

OoOoO

Tohru signed her name in the registry before entering the room where the visitation and wake were to be held. She saw the casket and altar and tried to hold in the tears she so desperately wanted to shed.

She could hear some one whisper harshly about the yellow ribbon she wore with her black dress, but didn't care. Yuki had given her this ribbon and she was wearing it in memory of him.

Quietly, Tohru approached the cushion in front of the altar where each guest would individually offer incense and prayers. While sitting _seiza_ on it she bowed and rang the altar bell. She'd done this a little over a year ago and hoped she'd never have to do it again, yet here she was.

_I'm sorry, Yuki. I'm trying to understand, but I can't. You were happy and alive. I thought maybe things had started to improve for you. You must have been in pain, and I didn't even realize._

She lit some incense, not bothering to keep her tears in anymore.

_I'll keep up your secret base for you, all right? I won't ever forget you and I'll always cherish my memories with you. All the time I spent with you… I don't regret any of it. I don't regret a single moment and I'll remember them always_.

She could almost swear she felt arms wrapping around her as she cried and prayed, but through her grief she didn't fully recognize them.

OoOoO

_Yuki softly knocked on Haru's window. He wanted to tell her why. He wanted Tohru to know why he was going to do what he was about to do. Haru looked up from the game he'd been playing and set down the controller to open the window. "Yuki, what're you doing here? I thought Hatori was expecting you."_

_Yuki climbed through the window, struggling to keep his composure when he knew that this was the last time he'd ever see Haru. "He is. I just need to borrow a pen and paper."_

"_Well, that's easy enough." Haru rifled through his desk till he came up with the paper and pen and handed them to Yuki._

"_If I write something and leave it with you, can you keep it for me? It's something for Honda-san."_

_Haru looked confused for a moment, but he nodded._

"_Thank you, Haru. I appreciate everything that you do for me. I really do." Yuki meant much more than what Haru probably thought he did. Yuki was thanking him for everything over the years, even if he didn't realize it. He would miss his friend, and he didn't want to die without thanking him._

_Haru shrugged, resuming his game. "I don't mind. Just try not to get Hatori pissed when you show up late."_

_Yuki nodded, sitting on Haru's bed to try and explain what was about to happen to Tohru. When he finished the carefully worded letter the page had only a few of things h__e'd been wanting to say to her; there was too much to write all of it__. He folded it and set on Haru's desk. "I'm going now," he said, trying to control his voice. He didn't _want _to die. He didn't want to say goodbye to Haru or Tohru. He wanted to live, but knew that he had no other choice. "Haru, I… I want you to know that your friendship means a lot to me."_

"_Aww… I feel loved Yuki. Obviously, I love you too." Haru got up and gave Yuki a hug, which the other returned._

"_I didn't mean that way, but thank you." Yuki hugged his friend, trying to savor this last piece of friendship. Pulling away, he said, "Goodbye, Haru."__ Before he lost control of his emotions, he had climbed back out the window, waved, and was gone._

_Quickly he found the rock he'd hidden the knife under and set it to his wrist with shaking hands. Her memories were more important than his entire existence. To him, none of it mattered but her._

_The pain was quick, and then the blood began flowing from his wrist and the vein he'd slit open. Dropping the knife, he lay down on the grass and stared up at the perfect blue sky while the grass around him began to stain red. It seemed so peaceful to die. _

"_You're more important to me, Honda-san," he whispered. "Thank you… for accepting me and making life worth living."_

OoOoO

_Oh, come ye back my own true love_

_And stay awhile with me_

_If I had a friend all on this earth_

_You've been a friend to me_

OoOoO

After the funeral, Haru approached Tohru, handing her the letter Yuki had written. "Honda-san, he left this for you."

"He… what?"

"I didn't know why until later but he wrote this to you. I… I didn't even realize he was saying goodbye." Haru looked like he had been crying too. "We'll both miss him."

Tohru took the paper, staring in wonder at this last gift from him. "Th-thank you, Hatsuharu-san."

Trying to stay calm she began to read:

_My dearest Honda-san,_

_I never meant to make you cry. I'm sorry. I know you probably have already. I want to explain to you though why I've done this. Akito gave me two choices: I could take my own life or allow you to lose your memories. I couldn't let him have them, Honda-san, because I know how much they mean to you and they mean just as much (if not more) to me. _

_That's why I'm gone._

_But there are some other things I'd like to tell you before I go. First of all, I'd like you to know that the hat you have… is from me. I was the boy that found you and gave it to you. That was the first time I felt needed and you saved me from myself even back then. Thank you. You've saved me so often, and I'm glad that this one time I can save you._

_You've changed my life. Every day I've spent with you is precious to me. Every day and every moment was always better than the last. I'm glad I met you, and I'm glad that you were in my life. With you in my life, I had a reason to wake up in the morning. I'd never had that before._

_You've changed everyone's lives. I _know _that every life you touch is changed. _

_Thank you for changing mine._

_Yuki_

Tohru hugged the letter to her. He'd died to save her memories. He'd died for her sake. "I-I'm sorry Yuki-kun. I'm sorry."

OoOoO

_Oh come ye back my own true love_

_And stay awhile with me_

_If I had a friend all on this earth_

_You've been a friend to me_

OoOoO

Every year on the anniversary of Yuki Sohma's death there are a small basket of strawberries left on his grave and a girl wearing a yellow ribbon kneels down and prays, remembering the brief but precious time she knew him.

And the spirit of the deceased wraps his arms around his dearest friend.

**I hope you enjoyed it. (But maybe that's not the right word?) Please review and tell me what you think! I would love to know what your reaction was to my humble offering of a story! **


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